In the summer of 1979 when I was a free spirited 22 year old living in Toronto I found myself making my way to Boulder for the Naropa Institute summer program. I went because the group Oregon were musicians in residence, and I was particulaly interested in learning from Paul McCandless who was the reed player in that band. I knew about Trungpa Rinpoche, but I did not know that he would even be there or that he had any connection to Naropa.
I was invited by a friend to go to his talks in Boulder, so I went along. I found his talk incomprehensible and confusing and thought he was a bit pretentious, but nevertheless I kept going to his weekly sessions. It was at his 2nd or third talk that as I was leaving the hall I noticed he was waiting there in his chair and people were speaking to him. One of his attendees suggested I go up and meet him so I did. I had no idea what to say, so I simply said “my name is Jeff Reilly and I am from Toronto”. I was kneeling in front of him and he simply and quietly said “don’t worry” 2 or three times. He then said “get a haircut” and he laid his hand on my head. I do not know how long he had his hand there but it felt like a significant gesture. When he lifted his hand I found myself reaching forward and I gave him a hug. He laughed when I did this, a kind, honest, deep and appreciative laugh – hinged on the awareness that he knew something that I couldn’t comprehend.
As I was leaving the attendent said “that was beautiful”. I really didn’t know what he was talking about. However as I walked away I realized my mind was completely empty. It felt like I was existing in a limitless space, an empty night sky into which I could place anything I wanted. I didn’t feel high or disconnected, just infinitely spacious, clear and open. As we walked home my friend said to me “Jeff you aren’t talking at all” and I realized I had nothing to say.
This state slowly dissapated over the following hours, as my regular hopes and fears and habitual thoughts slowly returned and my mind became crowded again. Nevertheless I still can connect with that space, and it remains a part of me. I now realize that Trungpa Rinpoche’s gesture was one of extraordinary kindness and generosity, he literally saw my egolessness from the point of view of his own egoless state and he was able to transmit this to me. It still remains in my life as one of my most significant personal experiences.
