Haunted / Desperately Seeking an Exorcist
Every morning it wakes me up
Bouncing on the bed like a newborn baby
Wanting to go out and play
Yelling, "Change my nappie."
Every night it crawls into bed with me
Old and complaining like Methuselah
Snoring
Then wanting me to take it to the bathroom for a pee
Or the kitchen for a snack
It's teeth are falling out
There's dakini writing on its nails
It's breath is like an old dead kipper
Or fresh as frost morning sunlight
In desperation I say,
"Don't you have somewhere else to stay?
Didn't you die twenty years ago?"
"No," it replies,
"You're the one that died;
I'm quite happy here alive."
Please reply. Will do anything
for a good night's sleep or holiday.
Signed, Lulu the Fan Dancer
P.S. The first wag that replies,
"There's no hope,"
gets a blue pancake on the head.
- John Riley Perks