Haunted / Desperately Seeking an Exorcist Every morning it wakes me up Bouncing on the bed like a newborn baby Wanting to go out and play Yelling, "Change my nappie." Every night it crawls into bed with me Old and complaining like Methuselah Snoring Then wanting me to take it to the bathroom for a pee Or the kitchen for a snack It's teeth are falling out There's dakini writing on its nails It's breath is like an old dead kipper Or fresh as frost morning sunlight In desperation I say, "Don't you have somewhere else to stay? Didn't you die twenty years ago?" "No," it replies, "You're the one that died; I'm quite happy here alive." Please reply. Will do anything for a good night's sleep or holiday. Signed, Lulu the Fan Dancer P.S. The first wag that replies, "There's no hope," gets a blue pancake on the head. - John Riley Perks