Free from the Hunger Inside

There is a story from the time of Buddha of a beggar woman who was one of the poorest beggars in India. She was poor in kind and poor in mind. She wanted so much, and this made her feel even poorer. One day she heard that Buddha was invited to Anathapindika’s place in the Jeta Grove. Anathapindika was a wealthy householder and a great donor. So she decided to follow Buddha because she knew that he would give her food, whatever was left over. She attended the ceremony of offering food to the sangha, to Buddha, and then she sat there waiting until Buddha saw her. He turned around and asked her, “What do you want?” Of course, he knew, but she actually had to admit and say it. And she said, “I want food. I want you to give me what is left over.” And Buddha said, “In that case, you must first say no. You have to refuse when I offer it to you.” He held out the food to her, but she found it very difficult to say no. She realized that in all her life she had never said no. Whenever anyone had anything or offered her anything, she had always said, “Yes, I want it.” So she found it very difficult to say no, as she was not at all familiar with that word. After great difficulty, she finally did say no, and then Buddha have her the food. And through this, she realized that the real hunger inside her was the desire to own, grasp, possess, and want. This is an example of how one can practice generosity. And from that point of view one can practice generosity toward oneself, because the point here is to free oneself from this possessiveness, this continual wanting.