The Chronicles of Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Sacred Communication in Marriage

Student: Could you say more about relationships and marriage? I’m planning on getting married.

Chögyam Trungpa: You shouldn’t expect anything at the beginning, but you should try to work together with your husband or wife. Basically speaking, marriage is a joint effort of trying to solve one another’s problems, and trying to make a creative world. That seems to be the basic point. As long as you are not immediately looking for an ideal, happy life, you can work with marriage. On the other hand, you shouldn’t just forget about the possibility of being overwhelmed by the idea of problems, either. It is a question of intelligence on both sides, and at the same time, there is a need for tremendous awareness and mindfulness. Each communication that takes place between the two of you has to be sacred in some sense. You should regard your partner as a spiritual friend of some type, and try to work along with that. When there is that kind of working basis taking place, I don’t see any particular problems.

The relationship might change anywhere: right at the beginning, or halfway through. It may not always be the same kind of relationship, because each one of you begins to grow up. So it might take a different shape; it might produce different kinds of phenomena. Nonetheless, as long as there is a dharmic connection, a spiritual connection, I don’t see any particular problems.